Senior Year Kicked Off with a Visit to Freshman year

I am now back in Provo sitting in my posh new house which I spent hours gleefully decorating today on the eve of my first day of Senior year here at BYU. I really love my house now. It always takes decorating a new place for me to feel comfortable. I think it's my way of marking my territory. Tonight was my freshman ward reunion and it was at my house. It was just exactly what I wanted it to be. I was so giddy seeing all the boys who just got back from their missions and a lot of girls that I haven't seen for a while. It was hugs all around and good conversation. And a moment I've lived out in my imagination several times in the past two years finally played out to perfection. I finally saw my old boyfriend from Freshman year. My relationship with him was definitely a defining time in my life as he was my first boyfriend and kiss and still holds the title for the longest boyfriend. It really ended horribly with my self-esteem shot and even though over the last two years I've moved on and changed and dated other guys, the old feelings still suddenly creeped back up on me in full force about two months ago when I realized he was back. I thought all my old feelings were gone so I was really surprised but I reached a state of peace after I was able to purge myself by talking and crying one last time to my roommate Serena. I guess I had just never reached closure back then so I was able to create my own and tonight was the final step. I don't think it was even so much about the guy at this point as it was confronting my own negative feelings towards myself. So tonight I got a little nervous just before people started showing up but said a little prayer who's calmed me down. I was just so excited to see everyone because I love them so much and I had so much fun talking to them. Then I saw him walking up the stairs, took a deep breath and smiled. He hugged everyone including me and then we talked to other people because there were about 40 people in my house. For my pride's sake I still didn't want to be the first one to make conversation so I waited until he called out to me from across the room to ask how South Africa was. Well I went over and sat next to him and told him all about it. It was really nice. He told me about Italy and I really enjoyed just talking to him. There was no awkwardness, I was completely calm and confident and it was just how I imagined it in the best possible scenario. So we talked to each other a little throughout the night in groups and I just really enjoyed myself and really let it go. Now I am officially friends with all my old boyfriends. It's not possible at first, but I've reached that time now and it feels really good. I think that we will probably hang out with some of our mutual friends and I'm glad.