Never Grow Up

I have been 20 for one week now and I already feel a little bit older, a little bit wiser. Okay I guess that's mostly a lie. The day you stop being a teenager isn't really the day you officially grow up. I used to think that I would feel grown up when I had children, but my sister says that she still doesn't feel like an adult and she has four. I think that people must never feel all that different inside than they do when they are children. The biggest change is that we lose our amazement at the world. We start to figure things out and when they are no longer new and complexing then we feel like life is mundane. That's what's so sad about a lot of adults. They're tired of the world. I think that this world has enough variety to keep me challenged for much longer than my lifespan so I will never grow up. Right now I am home in Arizona with my nieces and nephews and it's great to see their reaction to things I would consider simple. I know I get that way when I learn or see something new, and even when I teach something to someone else. I really am excited to be a teacher because it forces me to keep learning and participating in other people's wonder with the world. I'm getting really excited for next semester too because I love starting over with all new classes, people and especially the job at the cafe. I hope that lots of interesting people come in and that I feel comfortable enough to get to know them all. People are so interesting to me and it can be sad in Provo where there seems to be a lack of characters. I think the cafe will be just the place to really get involved.

As far as what's been going on in my life, I had an awesome birthday party at The Pie in Salt Lake City with 15 of my good friends and then went to my friend Brittany's house to watch movies. The walls of the restaurant are red birck and they let you write on them so they are covered in grafitti. Brittany wrote I love Colleen in big old sharpie so and it actually showed in a picure that I will hopefully be able to post. Before that I finished my last final and I think I quite possibly could get all A's or at least only 1 or 2 B+. I learned so much this semester and despite my making fun of philosophy I think I learned the most in that class. I also really loved the museum and I will be sad to see my time there end but my fellow Humanities nerd and AZ resident, Katie will be working there so I will still visit. Unfortunately I think I really kind of just slid by in my other five classes and didn't make the most of them. My goal next semester is to sit in the middle middle where I can interact with my classmates and participate in class . I really want to be a TA so I have to actually get to know my professors better this time around. I'm also sad to leave catering because it really was a super fun job and I got to work with such a huge variety of people. The pay was good too and did I ever mention I got to see President Hinckley up close? If for some reason I get tired of the cafe I think I would go back. The only downside is the random hours and working on weekends. This semester a dating life could be poissible so I think I will. My complete lack of one last semester was such a big change from last year but probably something I needed. Now I'm ready to hit the scene again.I changed rooms and room mates in my apartment so that should be new and interesting. I think I'll make it fun. I'm also so excited to learn sax. SKA band here I come! Next semester will bring just the change I've been longing for and I really am determined to relish every moment.

Being here in AZ is a little odd. I can't believe its been four months. So far I've played with 3 out of four of my best friends and next week will be even more. Tomorrow is Christmas so I get to spend it with my awesome family. I honestly can't express how much I love being with them. They are my favorite people in the world. It's so cool to really get to know my aunts and cousins as real people now. And who doesn't love hearing, "Big Kid! Come play with us!"? I know I will definately never live in the valley again. I think that if I am not married I will be a teacher at a private school in Northern California, and if I am then who knows, but it will not be in a suburb. I hate pollution and crowded cities. I want to live in the wilderness and let my children raise themselves. Or live in Europe, like perhaps Sweden. Yeah that's it! Sweden...

Progress

Finals week is about to roll in and I feel great. I've never felt this unstressed and confident about them before. I am pretty optimistic and I think it's due to my attitude of appreciating every moment. It's been working. Everything is more than fine, more than just okay. I really have been doing so much better lately. I've been all over my schoolwork and I have actually been having fun doing it. I went to bed early on Sunday night and woke up early to write a paper and it was fantastic. The whole day was so much better. I read some Thoreau and I've been inspired to make my next experiment "early to bed, early to rise." I think I'll be way better off that way. I think I really do thrive when I have organization in my life which is odd to discover since I'm usually so laid back in so many other aspects of life. It's like I'm a closet perfectionist when I actually do something. I lack determintation a lot of the time and that's what holds me back. But once I do something I like doing it right. If I stray from a path in the slightest bit, then I completely fall off. I think I really have to be more strict with myself. But not in every aspect, just when it comes to things that absolutely need to be structured like school work, exercising, and spirituality. I love being spontaneous and I won't give that up, I just need to work so that I am free to play when it comes along. So my experiments have potential to be lifelong lifestyle changes when they are sucessful. There are experiments in the catagories of spiritual, physical, intellectual, and social. Here is a list of upcoming experiments:
*Temple once a week
*Pray every morning and night
*Read scriptures 15 mins at night, Conference Talks 15 mins in the morning
*Bed at 11, wake at 6
*Running every morning before class
*No TV, 1 movie a week
*Dessert only on Sundays
*Invite a new friend to do something once a week
I don't want to overwhelm myself with them all at once so this is all progressive. This week I am doing the bedtime one and starting the temple one. They say it takes three weeks to make something a habit so here goes. The point of this life is to progress and I don't have time to waste so I'm getting on it.

Experiments

I've decided to conduct a few experiments. The experiement for this week is to see how many people I can get to smile when I walk around campus. I must say it has been quite successful and it makes me much happier. In my tour of Egypt I always ask the sixth graders if they would want to talk to a person who was posed more openly or somebody with their arms folded tightly. They always say the more natural person of course. So I decided that I would try to more approachable like the Greek statues rather than the Egyptian statues. It's definately worked. I was at the crosswalk which is usually similiar to elevators where it seems like an unspoken rule of silence when you're standing next to a stranger. Instead I changed my stance and smiled directly at the person. Imagine their shock! They actually had to acknowledge me so we ended up talking all the way to our apartments. And instead of walking around campus in my own dream world I've decided to more observant. I'm tired of sleepwalking through life. I've been able to mostly keep my resolution of enjoying every moment. Sometimes its not such a likely thing to be able to do, but then I figure I might as well make the most of it. I've stopped looking at clocks in class and on the job. It makes me appreciate everything much more. Oh, I'm also not doing as badly in school as I thought. I was so excited because I thought I bombed my Humanities midterm, but yesterday the teacher said that on the midterm most people got 8 out of 10 on each of the five essays and a few geniuses got all tens. I thought great, that means I got 7's but low and behold I got all 10's! And I was so astounded that I had a bewildered look on my face and the boy next to me ask if I did okay and I said yeah, then he saw my score and I got bombarded by high fives from him and his friend. Also in another class my teacher decided to demonstrate one of the lesson plans that we created so she emailed me and asked if she could do mine because it was exceptional. It was really nice to finally have that sense of accomplishment that I loved in high school but haven't felt much this year. I think that encouragement gave me the motivation I need to get through the next two weeks and finals. I feel so good right now. I like this new outlook.